Restless mind, restless heart. It's hard to concentrate this morning, hard to clear my mind for devotion and meditation. There is a congregation in Oregon which has "nominated" me for an interview. It is a congregation previously served by my brother, which asks for me because he was such a wonderful pastor for them and they have not been as well served by the two pastors since he left for another call nearly ten years ago. There is a change in the Bishop's office in the Oregon Synod - new Bishop, new assistant. The assistant and the Bishop that I know are now gone and the new Bishop wants the new assistant to begin the process of contacts and interviews for this congregation. Sigh. Once again, I got my hopes up, telling my heart that this was a slam-dunk and that, surely, this was God's design for both me and the congregation. So having to be patient to hear feels like a setback. As much as I try not to get too invested in any new possibilities, my heart just won't behave.

Meanwhile, I have been participating in the Inter-Lutheran Disaster Response Emergency Team (I-LERT), a cooperative effort of Lutheran Social Services of the Southwest and Lutheran Disaster Response. So far, my participation as a volunteer has not involved anything but going to organizational meetings to introduce those concerned in the ELCA Southern California Synods to their Lutheran Church- Missouri Synod counterparts and draw up plans for Inter-Lutheran cooperation and training for disasters. Well, the fires which have devastated Southern California have called up all the resources and mobilized those which were in place to work with counties and the State of California to help with distribution of services. I got a call this morning from the Southern California I-LERT coordinator asking if I would work on a task force to coordinate spiritual care for people and pastors affected by this series of disasters. Of course, I said yes.
I wait to hear from the woman pastor who will lead this team, and I am ready and eager to go and serve in the midst of the destruction.

This morning was the first in a few days in which there was time to sit over morning prayer and collect myself for a day that would allow some reading and study instead of the running to answer other people's schedules. But I find that my mind will not open to quiet, that my disappointment and my eagerness to be engaged in disaster ministry has put me into overdrive. I am imagining what I would do if I don't have a call by the summer, thinking about what regular travel into the San Diego area would require of the meager schedule I now have in place. My need for order has overtaken my willingness to keep vigil. Aaaaaargh. Time to practice yoga breathing? Perhaps.